This week – whew- this week has been tough.
Warning – this is going to get a little heavy and perhaps a little depressing so if you care to skip this post I will by no means be offended.
I am not looking for sympathy either – just getting it out in words.
For me – it is cathartic to write.
I am not sure I have ever written about it but my son suffers from a mental disability. Depression, Anxiety and PTSD.
Depression – what youth today is not suffering from this? Constantly bombarded by social media and parents to do this – be that and make sure you are perfect all the time takes a toll on ones soul.
Anxiety – what youth today is not suffering from this? Constantly being bombarded by social media and parents to do this – be that and make sure you are perfect all the time takes a toll on ones soul.
PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – coined in 1980 to “assign” a term to the effects of war and battle on Veterans but has made it’s way into every day life for those who has suffered a traumatic loss, event, etc in their lives. This is relatively new to his age group but quite real.
A dangerous cocktail of emotional disorders (if you will) thrust onto someone too young to understand coupled with a parent (not me) who had mental issues as well.
Tick tick tick – BOOM!
In my post of January 31st – titled “Sadness” I wrote about the unexpected loss of my children’s father – my ex husband.
He committed suicide and I feel compelled to write about it for the sole reason of what our house has gone through this past week.
While my daughter has struggled with the loss – no doubt/no question at all – my son – I think – has born the brunt of this situation.
Already struggling with emotional and mental issues – this week was the BOOM we were waiting for – we were expecting it.
Passive Suicidal Ideation is a term I have become intimately acquainted with. I won’t bore you with the Wiki explanation but needless to say it is a term I have learnt this week and will not soon forget.
The stress of watching one of the most important people in your life suffer and not be able to do anything about it – man oh man – it is rough.
Gone are the days of kiss it and make it better – gone are the days when a Scooby Doo band aid patched it up.
It’s real life shit now.
So – we make the appointments and we listen and we research and we learn everything that we can in order to help my son deal with this, all the while, never forgetting that we have to learn to deal with it as well.
My daughter pissed me off this week. She is my voice of reason. “Mum… you need to take care of yourself and seek counselling or something rather than trying to deal with it”. I of course scoffed at the idea. “I’m fine” I told her.
Fine – ya right – so fine that I spent the better part of an hour sitting with my chickens bawling. They promised they would not tell anyone.
NOTE that I am by no stretch of the imagination diminishing my daughters emotions/role/issues during this traumatic period – not by a mile. Just to set that record straight.
OK again – not about me – that was my moment of whining. Shout out to hubs though – the level of crazy he deals with daily – he deserves an award!
So – next steps – well we keep on with therapy and we keep on with all the love and support we have received from our family and our friends and we keep on swimming.
There are – to use the term loosely ” causes” – mental health week -mental health day but should every day not be mental health day?
Should we all not stand up and pay attention and be ever aware of how we are or how they are doing?
It’s not a phase – they will not grow out of it. It will most likely continue on into their adults lives and WE as the adults du jour have to help them.
Uggghhhh – when we (or many of the readers) were that age- we sucked it up and we dealt with it and we bottled it.
For the most part – we were all fine but we did not grow up in the age of the interweb and the body image and bully and the – the- the….
The interweb had not been invented – body image was something that was typically in a (wink wink) magazine and the bully – well we just beat the snot out of them – or had a sibling do that for us.
I’m not making excuses at all – I’m just saying/observing that while my parents had a rough and we had it rough and they have it rough – it’s cyclical and compounds with the interweb and the social media and the – the – the….
I know – I’m rambling – trying to make sense of it it all but I think that everyone will grasp what I am trying to say.
AND the adults that suffer – please please please seek help! Make a call – write a note – stand on the friggin’ street corner and beg for help!!! PLEASE!!!
I consider us very very fortunate to have the incredible support that we do and the incredible support that my son has through an amazing program that gives him 24/7 access to anything he needs.
There are others who are not so fortunate – who struggle every day and feel hopeless, helpless, and just less.
I can say this over and over and over again – YOU – YES YOU!!! YOU are NOT worthless – YOU are NOT a failure – YOU MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE!!!
YOU ARE WORTHY!!!
Shit!! crying again – excuse me please.
And breath and again.
Get help if you need it.
You are loved!
Orange Acres 