Firstly – a little late but Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Things have been so busy around here these past few weeks and there are reason.

HELL HAS FROZEN OVER!!!

I love winter – I love the no bugs – I love the freshness in the air – I love the stillness at night when you can hear every little noise.

I love to sit in my barn and listen to the comforting munching from the herd and to go and hug all the chickens and tuck them into bed.

These last two weeks – not so much.

Polar vortex – Bomb Cyclone – Cold than a Witch’s Undercarriage- Bombcoldapolis – no matter what you call it – IT IS COLD!!!

Face freezing – toesicle – frosty hair – eyelash freezing cold.

Cold enough to tap every power source in our house to heat the chickens!!! Cold enough that for the first time in almost 4 years I actually stalled the ponies over night to get out of that wind.

We rented a heater – a heavy duty construction heater to keep those little free loading slackers from dying cold!!! Too the #($(@#&*$(#*@ thing won’t start in this damn cold.

Life sucking COLD!!!

I’m convinced that Mother Nature has forsaken us and has decided that we have to pay the price for our arrogance of messing up her planet.

OR – that it’s a government conspiracy to spend more on heating fuel to make up for the “break” that we have gotten on electricity HAHAHAHA.

OR – maybe – just maybe it’s winter?? Like winter of the old days when we were kids and it would be howling yet we would still go out and freeze our asses off and play in it.

Who knows – all I know is that I still do love winter- not so much these past few weeks or tonight.

Keep the faith friends – it can’t last forever.

Stay warm friends!!!

THEY’RE BACK!!!

Those dreaded little white flakes from hell that co-incidentally fall from the heavens – SNOW!!!

The four letter word that strikes dread into the hearts of many but at this particular point in time every horse owners dream.

Our fall – much like our summer was plagued with rain and mud which is truly every horse owners worst nightmare.

Let me explain in my non technical/like I am 5 years old/draw a picture way.

A humans feet are one of the greatest resources we have – don’t mock – it is true.

They carry us around and bear the brunt of our day to day lives – happy feet are necessary for happy human. Think about it -when your “dogs are barking” nothing better than sitting a spell with a soak in hot water or just up and out of the way on the couch/chair/table (though my Mom would smack me) and just letting them rest.

Well then  – imagine 4 “barking dogs” carrying around an average 1,000 lbs of muscle (or in my equines cases more as they are clearly starving) – all day.

Horses do lay down to rest and it gives those 4 feets a break but they do not lay down for long periods as their cavernous innards can only take so much reclining. I’ll explain that at a later date.

Now imagine – if you will – your feet with no shoes on hard ground, rocks, stones, uneven surfaces for most of your day.

With the mud and subsequent freeze – even the most well kept paddocks will have holes and ruts and divots and ankle rolling uneven surfaces.

NOW try and navigate that in bare feet carrying 1,000 lbs.

This gives way to foot (hoof ) bruising and worse yet inner hoof issues.

The horses hoof is made up of many working parts and are not just one solid chunk of well hoof. I am no farrier so I cannot get technical but there are many little soft spots (the frog) which is like the “quick” of your finger nail and there are these minute delicate bones connecting tissue to nerves to bones to the very foundation of your equine friend.

Suffice it to say – wet ground is not good – overly dry ground not good – hard ground not good – cushy snowy ground GOOD!

I am happy to report that while still there are ruts and bumps – there is a nice cushion of snow that is now making it easier for my ponies to move about their daily routine with less effort.

I love snow – snow – it’s my friend right now -I won’t say I will feel the same way about it in 2 months but right now – I’m good.

And now the anatomy of the hoof. All these little working parts need to be kept healthy in order for your equine partner to be at their best. A good farrier is key (I have one) proper cleaning daily and keeping an eye on any anomalies is routine for me – No Hoof – No Horse!

Stupid fall back time change bullshit – with it’s stupid getting dark early and having to slug through ankle deep muck to feed horses and chickens who are free loading slackers – I hate you fall back – don’t tell me I get an extra hour sleep cause all I do is lay awake stressing about falling back to stupid time change bullshit!!!

IT SUCKS!!!

Onward…

Sigh…

I have a friend – no really – shocking!!!

She’s my best friend – one of my bestest – can tell anything too – talk about the oddest stuff – horses in common- chicken loving – duck owning  – high heel wearing  – warrior woman – BAD ASS BITCH FRIEND!!!

I don’t have a lot of real friends – I have my ladies – my wish chicks – all the ladies I have met out in our red neck county – friends.

I love her so much. She is like a sister to me – I have so many sisters and there is always room for more!!!

I’m rambling.

So my friend – she has cancer.

There is no sugar coating it – she has cancer and it’s not her first time.

My friend – she is strong – she is one of the strongest women I know really. Much stronger than me.

I’m watching my friend. She works her ass off. She raises her children. She is so smart – so very smart and so kind and so beautiful.

No really – she is STUNNING!!! – like men and women do a double take for her beautiful outside.

Inside – ohhhh – so much more – I can’t even…

So my friend – she has cancer.

I have dealt with cancer before in my family. My Mother – my Aunt – Others.

It’s a little different this time though. Not quite sure why.

Want to be there for her – shave my head? – will that make it go away?? No not likely and she did tell me my head would get cold.

What can I do? I just don’t know.

So my friend – she has cancer.

I’m scared for her but I look at her and how she is so strong and I am still trying to figure out how I can be strong for her.

What to do – what to do??

Oh wait – I know!!! I’ll just keep being her friend and do what I can and be there. Sounds pretty simple but really isn’t.

Times like these we all wish we can get the Scoobie Doo band aids (no copy rite infringement intended) – and it’s gone.

Sadly – it will take more than that.

What we can do is band together and form our army and support and love and plan and celebrate and be more and more. Like friends

So my friend – she has cancer.

I love her.

She knows who she is – you BAD ASS HEEL WEARING BABE!!!

ps. dammit I wish our feet were the same size!!!

It is inevitable that we get to an age where we have to deal with death and loss.

Our parents get older and the grandparents leave us. We will lose aunts and uncles and occasionally a close friend of the family.

However – NOTHING ever prepares us for the passing of our youth or a child of our own.

I have had an extended adopted clan of children for a few years. Artistic, creative and oddly wonderful – I first met this bunch through my son.

Fearless and so out there – I became “DJ Granny” (they’ll get it) to them and even though we do not speak daily – weekly or monthly – I still remain friends with them and have watched them grow into fine young adults.

It is with great sadness in my heart that our clan is now one member short with the passing of an amazing and truly spirited young woman. A force and fearless human with a zest for life that is truly unmatched.

Today – we paid our respects and said our final goodbyes to this amazing young woman.

Her name is Eilish  – she is a skydiving instructor, a rock climber and an outdoor enthusiast. A warm and giving human with a joie de vivre  that makes the heart sing. A motorcycle riding gal who on a whim decided to ride cross country. Eilish’s adventures are too numerous to even mention!!

Eilish is a role model, a daughter and a friend.

I won’t refer to Eilish as a “was” because Eilish will always be an “is” to us.

Allow me a small moment of selfishness – I have not just lost a friend – I have lost a daughter.

No parent should outlive their child and I would like to extend my most sincere condolences to her father Wayne, her brother Liam, her partner Jbm, her mother, her family and our clan.

While Eilish may have slipped the surly bonds of earth – she will forever remain in our hearts and souls as the fearless woman she is.

NOTE – Credit to William Blake – Poet

Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forest of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deep or skies.
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp,
Dare it’s deadly terrors clasp!

When the stars threw down their spears
And water’d heaven with their tears;
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger Tyer burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

A sweet angel has left this earth to fly high into the sky she loved so much – we will miss her always.

Please follow this link (it’s clean) to see a short video of one of the most amazing people that I have EVER known

I’m no farmer…

Sure I get up at the crack of stupid every morning to feed my flock of chickens, ducks and tend to my three horses.

But I’m not a real farmer.

I am a poseur – I am a “hobbyist”.

I don’t depend on my crops, cattle, swine or chickens and other forms of livestock – (as we are an inclusive farm) – to feed myself or others.

I have an office job. I take my 45 minute commute twice a day to make a decent salary that entitles me to call myself a farmer.

I don’t work long hours to feed others all the while bearing the brunt of the activists who call me evil at what I do for a living.

I am no farmer.

I watch my friends – those who are real farmers – who stay up all night because a goat has had a hard time kidding out and could just use the company  -or the dairy farmer who has to deal with mastitis in the wee hours of the morning  – the horse farmer who grieves when one of their mares passes away while foaling or the poultry farmer who is wiped out by avian flu or predator or what ever.

I am no farmer.

I don’t stay glued to the weather network every morning praying for at least 4 days of dry to get my crops off my field so I can feed my livestock OR sell to make my year to feed my family.

No – I am no farmer.

I have always had the utmost respect for those who have this life to feed my family and my little band of misfits.

Today – in the farming community in the Ottawa area – a true farmer suffered a great loss when their barn with their herd unfortunately went up in flames. Their herd is gone – save a few lucky ones out in the pasture. A 125 year old structure reduced to rubble – the shock  – I cannot even imagine.

It is my fondest hope that they rebuild.

Living in a farming community – I have watched the hay that is still sitting in the field because it is too wet to cut – the beans – some of them still under water and I can’t help but wonder/worry how they can even recover because this is their livelihood!! – These farmers have invested every penny they have into equipment and time and well everything.

I am no farmer – I am not that strong.

EDITED

I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday – my sister Stacey at my side – my Mom in the waiting room and me yelling at the nurse to GIVE ME DRUGS!!!

I remember the day I brought you home- man was it hot – and we had no AC which made it all the worst and that very day I was released I drove you over to meet your Grampa (my father) – and he fell in love with you. He called you Curtis with the laughing eyes – do you remember him at all? Your time with him was short.

I remember you looked like a little turtle.

I remember your first day of daycare when I had to go back to work and your first day of school getting on that big yellow bus – I remember every year’s first day of school and how I would be there for you to get on that bus or take you to school.

I remember when you shook of the shackles of home life and escaped through the back door to have the neighbour bring you home at 4 years old!!!

I remember when you smacked your fat little head on the mirror of a car (that is how you got the wee scar on your head)

I remember lunches and new shoes and grade after grade – I remember those bullies and how you beat the ever luvin’ crap out of one and how you found your love for theatre in public school to watch it go on to high school.

I remember watching you sleep and how you would curl your fists up and when I go to wake you now – you still do it.

I remember the dark year of when your father and I divorced and I had to leave you and your sister to live with him so I could work – enough of those.

I remember your Gramma (my mom) doting on you – do you remember her? You were young when she passed.

I remember your acceptance to college – every play I could attend and how proud I was of you to put yourself up there.

I remember your fall and rise and fall again and rise and with each fall seeing you rise back up stronger – it leads me to believe that I did something right.

I remember the look of joy on your face when you graduated and how you could barely contain yourself.

Every moment of your life that I have been a part of – I remember. Every moment I will be a part of – I won’t forget.

But this is not about me – this is about you!!!

Gosh – another birthday!!! where has the time gone.

Happy Birthday Bud – today is your day to do with what you will and celebrate the fabulousness that is YOU!!!!!

Let’s all face it – we’ve all done some dumb shit in our lives.

Who hasn’t?

Me included.

Married way too young to hear all the questions as to why would you do that? You are ruining your life! It will never be the same!

Who were they to tell me how my stupid young decision in life would affect the rest of my life?

I knew everything.

Well – I didn’t and they were right – my life has never been the same.

I am a little ashamed to say that I never completed that post secondary education that today is so coveted.

In my day – finish high school – you are fine.

I was wrong and struggled with low paying mediocre jobs that paid the bills but it was OK – I was married and had someone to take care of me.

That changed  – as it often does in this world and I found myself alone – with two children – still working a low paying job but making ends meet and wishing nothing but the best and striving for nothing but the best for my children.

I’m smart – I’m driven and I have gift for getting myself into the “right place/right time” situations. I learn quick – I problem solve and I make shit happen. I’m not bragging at all – it is how I was brought up – to survive – to never give up and to work hard and it will come to you.

I am blessed and respected in my now career but dammit!!! I worked hard to get where I am!!

I am sure my parents longed for the sweet life. Who doesn’t?

They instilled in me what I have attempted to instill in my children.

Life will beat you down and you will work those low paying crap jobs and you will struggle and you will fight and in the end – you will persevere. 

Today I saw that perseverance first hand as I watched my youngest child – my son walk across a stage to receive a diploma that he worked his collective ass off for!!

This young man has endured a shit show of a life in the past couple of years that would make a saner human curl up in a small ball in the corner of the room and tap out!!

He has battled with mental health issues that back in “my day” were not talked about but were swept under the rug as “troubled child” issues or “something is a titch off with that kid” issues.

He has dealt with the crushing blow of losing a parent to suicide.

YET – he has persevered – he fell – he got back up – he fell again – he got back up.

He got back up!!!

And today – he got up on that stage – he walked across that stage and he got that piece of paper in a recognition that he so greatly deserves in getting back up!

My parents would have been so proud of him.

His father would have been so proud of him.

Today – I – Hubs – my daughter – my family and my dearest friends are so very VERY proud of him.

Today – we celebrate you young Master Curtis.

Thank you for showing us just how far you have come and how far you will go.

(sorry for any grammatical/spelling issues – got a little emotional writing this)

And now a goofy picture (I’m a dork – he is so handsome!)

Whew – this has been one post I have been working on for at least two weeks.

I have a friend – OK ya we’ve all heard that before but truly – I do have a friend – I have several actually – I’m a delightful person -but that is neither here nor there.

I have a friend – well – not quite a  friend  – more like and adopted pseudo child who blew into my life via my son.

This girl – whoa – a force of nature – I cannot even begin to describe her.

In another life – she was me – were I given the chance to break loose and just go go go.

Anyway – my pseudo child/friend/daughter (if you will) has had a rough go as of late and I sit here writing this hoping her or her Pops get a chance to read it and know that we got their backs.

See – my family – as everyone knows – is incredibly important to me.

Matters not if we are born in blood – we are family.

I have been fortunate enough in my life to “adopt” if you will a plethora of humans.

My son’s and daughter’s friends and their parents and family are my family.

My FB friends – family – my chicken friends – family – horse friends – family – Wish Chicks – FAMILY!!!

See – we get one turn around this planet really and my theory is just this  – treat others how you wish to be treated.

Ya, ya, ya – we all falter and get cranky at times and crap on stuff – but really???

Come on people – we are all just trying to get by in life so why not embrace our fellow humans and be kind and nice to one another.

So – in closing – please – let’s do this amazing, fierce and super human young lady a shout out – she has a long haul ahead and personally – I will do everything that I can to assist.

E McD – let’s ROCK THIS BITCH!!!

IT’S HERE!! IT’S HERE!!

Not Spring – that is next weekend – but time change madness!!

Spring ahead  – lose an hour – whatever – if it means that it will be light out until past 6pm – I’ll take it.

Oh the things I can do past 6pm when it’s light out.

I can actually clean the barn – EVERYDAY!!! and ride the horses again without have to rush.

Chickens can stay out longer and oh the joy!!!

Now – first though – Mother Nature really needs to take a break on these colder than cold temps please.

AND – apparently there is a ton of snow in the forecast – I’ll take it – cushion for pony feets.

Oh – I can’t wait – all the birds will be back – no more frozen hands and feet – no more breaking ice from water dishes – no more frost bite.

WOOOHOOOO!!!!

Sigh – it’s been a month since my last post.

Since we all lost a very dear person in our family.

Since I have sat down to try and organize thoughts in my head and make sense of the season and travel and work and jumble and AHHHHHH!!!

My son moved out – I do not think I mentioned that. Yes – my son left home.

A millions thoughts on that situation has left our feeling somewhat empty. My son came to live with us full time over a year ago in circumstances that are deeply personal and will not talk about but needless to say – having him home – finally – after so many years – was an adjustment for all. We made it work though and to have his smiling face and dishes done and my glass of wine at the ready each night  – was a wonder.

Now he is gone onto his own little home with friends and doing his laundry and groceries – step ahead in life and seeing how happy he is – warms my heart.

I sure do miss him here though.

Back to my post – Signs.

Everyone is talking about signs of spring. Rudy the Robin is back!!! Far too early for February for sure but maybe Rudy knows something I don’t.

I laughed at a friend today talking about how she saw a flock of geese flying over head – HAHAHAHA!!! NO WAY!!

Much to my surprise – we had a large flock fly over our house.

Hmmmm – Signs.

It is only February – could Mother Nature be early in her Springyness this year???

Hoping for the best.

Signs of life with broody hens and shedding horses.

Signs of life with melting snow and mud and muck.

Signs of life with sunshine on my face and longer days and illumination with the morning commute.

While driving home today – I saw the most glorious display of sun shining through the clouds and no camera could do this justice for sure.

I often go outside and stand in the sun. It is just a bit warmer than yesterday and still warmer tomorrow I hope.

I’m ready for mud and muck and will complain often I’m sure.

I’m ready for daylight until well past 6pm.

I’m ready for those stupid mosquito’s and heat.

I’m ready to sit on my porch and drinking a cocktail (or two) 🙂

Hey – Mother Nature- cut us some slack – please – give us an early spring if you would not mine – I think we could all use a break.

Thanks!