Well -this has been a long time coming!

I have complained and bitched about my hip pain for as long as I can remember – well maybe not that long – BUT these past 5 or so years.

Getting this surgical procedure in Canada is not as simple as making an appointment and it’s like “ok – new hip – done!”

First you get a bunch of x-rays and then you meet some people who tell you that – oh ya you need a new hip – and THEN – you go on a “wait list”

6- 8 months for a surgical consult AND THEN after consult – 2 years (or so) for actual procedure.

Now – I am not the most patient person – no no really – I’m not (insert sarcastic smile here).

So when I decided to take that leap – or more so hop in my case- I dug in – HARD (that’s what she said !!! (fans of The Office will get that).

I had my talk with the folks who deem me eligible – then waited for consult BUT I got bored waiting so decided to take matters into my own hands and started calling, emailing and finally faxing surgical offices to see who had openings.

Google Top 10 orthopedic surgeons in my hood – went to the socials for recommendations on who they have had or would recommend and quite literally went from there.

Calls – nope all booked – emails – nope all booked – fax – ya well I faxed a surgeon whose team got back to me – had the file sent over and went on the “list”.

Not like trying to get into Studio 54 ( just watched that documentary) but close.

They got back to me and then I waited – from – September of 2022 to April of 2023 finally got in and the got scheduled for surgery.

FYI – there is a clinic in Toronto that I could have had it done much earlier but did want to be relatively close to home.

And BAM!!!! the day is here!!!

Soooo – tomorrow at 0630 I report to Brockville General for an 0800 procedure and ain’t gonna lie – I’m kinda ummm- freaking out a bit.

I am fit – I am young and I am stubborn so I suspect no issues.

Tomorrow – yep that is the big next step to what I understand will leave me life changed and fingers crossed – pain free and able to actually ride those two fast ass horses I have!!!!

Down time will be a challenge but I have books and hopefully amazing pain meds and an amazing support system (thanks Hubs) and well – we’ll see eh??

I will report back tomorrow!!!

Send me some jingles (horse people will get this)

We are T-minus 11 days until I receive total hip replacement.

Not gonna lie – a long time procrastinating and a long time coming.

I have pretty much had hip issues most of my adult life.

Years of abuse with sports and horse back riding have given me the flexibility and turnout of a 90 year old

Tying my shoes – putting on socks has been a chore this past year and finally bit the bullet and started the journey and I can’t believe it’s almost time.

Apparently from everyone I have talked to – it is life changing.

But I have to admit I am a little scared because well – I don’t handle my own pain/blood/hurt that well – I cannot sit still for more than about 10 minutes at a time (it’s taken me four hours to write this short post) I do NOT like being fussed over – I am a shitty patient (sorry hubs) and I HATE HATE HATE depending on people to do things for me.

Alas – I will need to learn to take it all in stride and not to be such a whiny bitch about it I guess.

I’ve noted this run up to surgery has been plagued with insomnia – not sure if it is from the fact that I am uncomfortable – it’s too hot – life is bitch slapping me in the face non stop as of late – I don’t like the look of those teenagers over there but I have to get that in check.

I will however look forward to a drug induced pain med sleep for a couple of day – I have loaded up on books – I have all the good streaming platforms to binge watch and that will last about a day LOL!!!!

I will totally look forward to being able to ride my horses again and not having to take a week to recover – running without fear of going ass over tea kettle and hopefully being pain free.

Getting older is not for the faint of heart – I simply do not have time for it – so onward.

More to come…

EDIT!!! I started this post in October of last year – and am just getting back to it BECAUSE – had an epiphany! or a notion OR I just got so damn pissed off because I did not finish it!!!

What defines me??

What defines you?

AND why do we actually need to have something that defines anything?

I was thinking about this today while I was actually cooking- I do so love to cook and said to myself “Self – is cooking what defines you?” and it was like “whoaaaaa” do we actually as humans have to have something that defines us?

Let us break this down.

We all have that “thing” that sets us apart from other in some form or fashion right?

It could be that you are an amazing cook or dancer or home builder or know every winner of the Kentucky Derby w/jockey since the dawn of time but is that what defines you?

Should the definition of you not be what you have done for you or for people but how you feel and how people feel about you?

Case in point – I have often been “accused” of being forward, distant, to the point well in a word bitchy BUT I am really not bitchy.

Yes I am direct at times BUT I also am an incredibly emotional – insecure -and empathetic human – but not a lot of people get to see that side.

Lucky you if/when you do – you know who you are (wink wink). I am a delight (she said sarcastically).

As of late – I’ve been trying to come to terms with my attitude and what I can do to adjust it to make me more acceptable or approachable or – I don’t know – nicer? but then I realized that I cannot.

I am caught up in my own ummmm not insecurities but vortex of life of jobs and kids and grandkids and my partner and his ailing mother and then just realizing that I do not have to please or take care of everyone!!!

No – I need to take care of my little corner in my world.

My partner is going thru a rough patch with an ailing mother and while the woman at times make me nuts- it is sad to know that time is ticking and that it will be extra hard for him.

And while at times he also makes me nuts – I am fiercely protective of him – like ya no shit – take a bullet – don’t mess with me – do you have a death wish protective.

And I’m sad to see him go thru this time.

Trying times all around with the media beating us down with nothing but bad news and inflation coupled with COVID burn out.

I am trying to be a better me.

While I may not have something that actually defines me but I do have some defining qualities (I think) and have moments that have defined my existence on this swirling ball.

I would like to think I am a good friend – partner – parent and person.

I do not need that validation from others but more so from myself maybe?

Self – you are doing the best job that you can considering the circumstances now stop being so hard on yourself.

In summation -from me to you – don’t get all hung up on trying to find out what “defines you”.

You – YA YOU – I see you – you are fantastic in your perfectly imperfect broke ass shell of a being vessel so go out and be just a little too much for people to handle and when you are done that – be just a little bit more please!!!!

Disclaimer – this post is all about me me me me me and my family soooo don’t read- read – whatever – my blog/my rules.

I am sad – we (as in my family)are sad.

This week we said goodbye to last of my Father’s family – My Uncle Alex.

My Father was one of a brood of many – I can never remember the exact count but there were many.

Many have passed on but my Uncle Alex was the last of that exact brood to do so this week.

My Uncle was somewhat of a “force” in my life -while the details are long past – he was the driving force in my love for the equine species.

He instilled in me the respect and knowledge of the “old school” leaving out the fluff and reminding me of the partnership.

I grew up with my cousins really.

As long as I can remember we were going to their house or they were coming to ours – those were truly good times in my childhood.

Rafting in the flooded forest – drinking Dr.Pepper – hanging with the horses – mini bikes- endless meals – adventure – I miss those simple days of fun.

They were there for me when my parents passed and to them I will be eternally grateful.

As usual – thru the years you lose touch and shit happens and then you grow up and realize that we really all just kids trying to remember those simple times.

This week was tough!

When my Aunt Jeanne (Uncle Alex’s wife) passed- my cousin essentially put his life on hold to care for my Uncle which was no easy feat as he was one stubborn mule!!!

We said our final goodbyes ummmm Wednesday no Thursday – good Lord this past week is a blur BUT we had an amazing dinner on Friday night at one of my Uncle’s favourite spots!

Great food – even better company!

As always my fear is that when someone passes- you lose that bond – and it takes work to keep us together BUT I think we will – I hope we will.

To this end – I would like to thank my cousins for honouring me with the privilege to be with you thru the final days/hours.

I am truly and deeply touched to have been part of this final journey – my promise is that I will keep this bond/friendship going and we will all be better for it.

RIP Uncle Alex – you were definitely one of a kind!!!

Rain Rain Go away do NOT ever come back another day!!!

OMG – like WTF and seriously is with todays weather?

Mother Nature needs an Adavan cause she is so so sad or mad or something today.

Today’s weather was a mixed bag of huh?

When I left for work this morning it was rainingish and then I heard they cancelled all school buses and I was like “why”?

But ya I get it now.

I left work early as I have a commute so figured get a jump and am glad I did – no sooner had I pulled in the drive when one of our 50 foot maple trees toppled and I was “whoa this not good”

In total we lost 7 trees – falling like matchsticks from the weight of the ice.

Our power “burped” out once – thankfully so we are so much more lucky that the world around us that has no power – Hubs said that his drive home was like thru some post apocalyptic war zone of downed trees and power lines.

Our basement flooded the sump pump not able to keep up – oh well bye bye all the crap down there (and it truly was crap FYI)

Barn flooded- sorry guys – I did manage to drain most of it.

The ONLY happy creatures were the ducks – lordie they were living their best life in the big ass puddles!!!

The rain has all but stopped – our power has flickered but has stayed on – we are alot luckier than most.

What a day!!

PS and FYI – I had JUST walked under that tree!!!

Is it me or just BLINK – 2023 is gone??

It was marginally better than 2022 – a helluva lot better thank 2021 and well 2020 can kick rocks!!!

Some bad stuff did happen – I lost my dear Uncle – the last of his “clan” so to speak. He was a man among men – taught me almost everything I know about equines and was always respectful of me and my family. I will miss him and I know his family is struggling with the loss – we are closer now.

I lost my mother in law – my Hubs his mother. While I bitched and complained about her ALOT – she was a kind person and it does pain me to see Hubs so sad. Her and I never really saw eye to eye - I am still sad.

I was looking back thru both 2021 and 2022 New Years posts (didn’t do one for 2020 – no one wants to remember that year anyway) and the silly resolutions I made.

So I thought I’d recap those in point form for shits and giggles.

In 2021 and 2022 I vowed the following.

To be more patient and understanding – while I would like to think that this was achieved – this will ALWAYS be a work in progress.

Moisturize more – CHECK!!! not only in both those year – also 2023 – sunscreen – facials once a week - a wee bit of Botox to keep you looking fresh – pedis and self care – ramped that up in 2023 and I feel great!!!

Do one selfless act per day that one went into 2023 and while maybe not everyday -I know I done that good!!

Eat more fruit – NOPE – end of discussion BUT am eating healthy.

Stop buying so many clothes – let’s move on shall we?

Purge your damn clothes – CHECK – for every new garment that comes in – 2 go out – disclaimer – this does NOT include footwear.

Stop working after hours – I was good for a bit but time zones are often part of my job AND I do love my job so if I have pop on now and then after hours – I am ok with that because when I shut down – I shut down.

Get more exercise and ride more – CHECK and guilty of not – had the hip replacement and still have not ridden – I really need some snow in case I go ass over tea kettle.

A host of other silly little things that are neither here nor there happened – did not happen - whatever.

For 2024…hmmm…I cannot think of one damn thing that I would resolve to do that would make a huge difference in my day to day.

I will of course give back where I can – work on my patience and I really want to read more – and try and have more fun. I feel like fun is lacking right now.

Happy New Years everyone – I wish everyone just love and peace and joy in their lives – know that I am here should you need a lending hand or to shoot the shit or to vent.

I hope that 2024 is kind to you and everyone.

I am really not one to make like solid resolutions – but if I’m being honest – from early 2020 up until – what??? 4-5 months ago-life truly was as shit show of a dumpster fire of WTF!!!!

So – I said to myself “Self (and I knew it was me because I was wearing my undies {bada ching}) let us make a few achievable resolutional (new word) goals.

Here we go.

1. Moisturize – my daughter gives me shit all the time about dry skin -so I will make a concerted effort to do so.
2. Per the above – use a mild SPF in said moisturizer – apparently it won’t hurt
3. Get more rest- and this does NOT just apply to sleep – take some time to let your brain be still and breath and focus on relaxation (so like ya – this is going to be a tough one for me)
4. Eat better – I say this every year and every year I don’t but I have recently gotten into veggies and legumes I would not normally eat soooo – just don’t ask me to eat fruit – not quite there yet.
5. Eat more fruit – OK OK I’ll try!! FFS stop nagging!
6. Do one selfless act a day – I can do this – contrary to popular belief – I am actually a pretty selfless person – most people don’t get to see that side – but it’s there and I’ll try and let it out more to the masses.
7. Be kind – see above – I really am not the bitch some people think I am – no really!
8. Be patient/have more tolerance – yep – this is a “twofer” – patience while it may be a virtue – it has eluded me for years – mostly because in my past life (over 20 years ago) I was not allowed to have a voice so when I found it – could not shut that F’r up – so yeah.
9. I could say stop caring what other people think but I simply have not since I found that voice so ya sorry – oh look I achieved one!!!
10. Stop buying clothes – gurl – you do NOT need any more clothes – like seriously!!!!
11. Per above- clean and purge your damn clothes – if you have not worn it in a year – donate or gift!
12. NOTE the above two do NOT include shoes/boots or footwear.
13. Get off your fat scared ass – grow a pair and ride more!! You love to ride- you just need to stop being a wimp about it- it’s not too hot or buggy or cold or rainy – stop it!! stop making excuses – saddle up and find that passion again.
14. Learn how to apply liquid eye liner – that bitch still alludes me.
15. Curse less (ya ok – I’ll try)
16. Spend more time with people who matter- more lunch dates.
17. Set boundaries- oh shit – this will be hard – glad it’s at the bottom

So – there they are – I am sure there will be more as shit pops up – but I think that is a solid foundation to start eh??

Happy New Year my friends – we have been thru hell and back these past couple of years – but I want to say we came out smiling and maybe even humbled in how fragile we really are.

I am a truly blessed human being. I have a family who loves me and I love fiercely – my most amazing grand children who light up my life every friggin’ day!! – a great job – a roof – food – an outstanding partner in crime in Hubs who puts up with my shit EVERYDAY (he in himself deserves the most accolades) and an amazing group of misfit outcast friends – some of who I interact with face to face and some who I have never met but cherish deeply.

Onward to 2023 – let’s rock this bitch!!!

YEEHAWWW!!!!

Mother Nature on a tear tonight!

We started with balmy plus 5 C temps this morning and pissing rain – like I mean deluge – animals lining up two by two kind of situation.

Had to make a quick run to town and under all that snow apparently a nice sheet of ice had accumulated SO – we went down that driveway sideways.

I said to myself “Self – stay off the brakes – stay off the gas – just glide down” and then we fishtailed a wee bit and I’m no (still talking to myself) you can do this.

Got my shit done in town and then realized -how the hell am I going to make it back in!?

Pop her into low and GIVE’R!!!!! It’s in God’s hands now girl!

Well needless to say made it in.

Then Hubs gets home after doing an all nighter and we clear some snow because apparently Mother Nature was going to add just a little extra in the name of the flash freeze.

Needless to say when I went out at 1600 the snow/sleet/rain whatever the hell you want to call it was sidways.

YEP – happy to be inside – will brave for night feed and the tuck in.

Hubs will leave no doubt at 2300 (shhhhh he’s sleeping now) and we will start all over again tomorrow.

HUGE shout out to snow plow drives – salt trucks and emergency services peeps!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

One of the hardest parts of owning pets is that they get old and die.

Can’t sugar coat it – pets get old and die.

We have been fortunate to have cats that seem to live forever!!!

But as we get older so do the cats that we had back – way back.

Squeeker was one of our “original” cats.

Hubs found in her a ditch when she was maybe a week old?? – took her to work – bottle fed her until she was strong and she joined our family of 3 cats or was it 4 at that time – don’t remember.

Squeek was never really quite “all there” I think that the trauma of not having a mother and socialization kinda stunted her social skills.

Squeek preferred a solitary existence – mostly away from other cats – and have a nervous habit of licking her belly bald.

Every once in a while – you could actually pet her – it was few and far between -she was not mean – just wary.

When we moved here about 6 years ago – Squeek came into her own. Perhaps it was age that mellowed her -she stopped licking her belly – she started being more social – still wary but you could sneak pets more often :).

This past year – Squeek really started to change and slow down – not being able to jump as much – slept ALOT and lost her hearing – and then had a thyroid issue that put her in on meds or she could eat 24/7.

This past weekend- Squeek lost her sight and it was the longest two days of our lives keeping her from panicking and hurting herself as she could not see where she was – and could not hear any words of encouragement – realistically living inside her own head.

That was not quality of life.

We made the incredibly painful decision to send her on to the next cat life.

I have euthanized animals before – this one stung a lot more – probably because we had Squeek a whopping 18 years – she was a great cat!!!!

Squeek had the best life while here and I hope the best life in that next one.

She will be laid to rest next to Moe and Orange in a lovely spot surrounded by trees and flowers.

Thanks Squeek – you crazy old cat – the house is somewhat empty without you.

Fun Fact…I don’t care.

I actually do care but as of late – I’ve had a “fuck it” attitude of being tired and just done with bullshit and stuff.

But – some fun facts.

Did you know that horses lack the ability to puke?

Truth – Horses cannot puke because their digestive tract is designed so that food cannot travel in the opposite direction it can go down but not up – so what do they do if they drink too much tequila? The struggle is real.

Did you know that chickens are living descendant of dinosaurs? Come one – it’s clearly a Jurassic world?

Chickens can fly not far but they can AND they have excellent recall.

Smartest/dumb bird I know!!!

Did you know that free from human intervention ducks can live up to 20 years?? Oh lord!!!! my ducks could outlive me!!!!

Fun facts about my grandkids – my granddaughter is a leftie – which follow along the LONG LINE of lefties in my family – my Mum was – my Bro and my Baby sis and of course me. She truly is my soul creature of a Princess Ragamuffin – clone of her Mama – wild bird!

My grandson on the other hand – as in right hand – is one of the great loves of my life. That kid could blow up my truck and I’d smile and say – would you like a cookie? – His smile is infectious and full of light – he is a handful – he is his Father! Apple/Tree/Falling/Them.

(Here is where I will bestow the gloriousousness of being a leftie)

Sadly we are more likely to suffer allergies, migraine and fools (ok took liberties on that one)

We are more prone to sleep depravation CHECK!!!!

More likely to suffer language problems CHECK!!! When I get stressed that stutter happens.

BUT we are way better at multitasking – we are far more creative – and we really do LOVE to ring our own bell – DING DING DING!!!

Fun facts – hot water will freezer faster than cold water so I always make ice cubes from hot water – the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows – but a quick trip to the cosmetic store can fix that !!! – and ants only rest for 8 minutes during a 12 hour period!!! HEY that sounds like me!!!

Fun Fact – I do actually care but today – meh…

It was a rough week but being able to write silliness is good for my soul.

Find some fun facts that make you giggle please!